The Gordon Neufeld Approach: Making Sense Of Ch... May 2026

Dr. Neufeld’s model is built on three distinct but interconnected lenses used to "map" a child’s development:

For a child to feel safe, they must be in a "dependent" role, while the parent takes the "alpha" or provider role. Problems like bullying often stem from a "stuck" alpha complex in children who don't feel they can lean on their adults.

Detailed in his book Hold On to Your Kids (co-authored with Gabor Maté), Neufeld warns that children are increasingly turning to peers for attachment, which undermines parental influence and healthy development. Neufeld Intensive I: Making Sense of Kids The Gordon Neufeld Approach: Making Sense of Ch...

The , often encapsulated in his flagship Making Sense of Kids intensive, is an attachment-based developmental model that shifts the focus from managing a child's behavior to understanding the underlying relational and developmental needs.

The process of becoming a separate, viable, and integrated individual. The approach argues that maturation is spontaneous if conditions are conducive, rather than something that can be forced. Detailed in his book Hold On to Your

The primary need for contact and connection. Neufeld identifies six stages of attachment that deepen as a child matures: proximity, sameness, belonging/loyalty, significance, love, and being known.

Below is an overview of the core principles typically covered in a paper on this approach. 1. The Three Conceptual Keys The approach argues that maturation is spontaneous if

Unlike behavioral approaches that use "consequences" or "time-outs," the Neufeld approach views the parent-child relationship as the primary tool for change.