And Momtwo And A Half Men ...: Large Birds, Spiders

The doorbell rang. It wasn’t the date. It was .

“Alan, I’m telling you, it’s staring at me,” Charlie hissed, peering through the glass sliding door. Large Birds, Spiders and MomTwo and a Half Men ...

Perched on the railing was a the size of a small aircraft. Next to it, a massive Tarantula —likely a runaway from a neighbor’s exotic collection—was casually making its way toward Charlie’s discarded sandwich. The doorbell rang

“Thanks, Mom,” Charlie muttered, pouring a double. “I guess there’s always a bigger predator in the room.” “Alan, I’m telling you, it’s staring at me,”

The condor immediately took flight in terror. The spider curled into a ball and rolled off the deck into the sand.

Charlie Harper’s beachfront Malibu deck was usually reserved for expensive scotch and questionable decisions, but today it looked like a deleted scene from a low-budget horror movie.

She swept into the living room, smelling of Chanel No. 5 and cold ambition. She didn't even look at her sons. She walked straight to the glass door, locked eyes with the giant bird, and tapped on the pane with a manicured nail.